Author’s note: Of course I own none of this am only borrowing said characters to satisfy my twisted need to get this on ‘paper’. So please don’t sue cause I don’t have any money for you and yeah this all belongs to Mr. Lucas.
This tale is inspired by the Third movie (Revenge of the Sith) of the Star Wars series, although it bears no spoilers etc from it. Tale this takes place after the third movie but before the fourth one (A New Hope) and is part 1 of 5 drabbles.
This tale has been rated as PG- 13 due to mature themes, also this tale hasn’t been betaed yet so tread softly...
Shattered
”… Don't want to hurt you
I need to make you see
If I desert you
Its just to make you see
That I'm a man that's weak
And I'm a man that's lost
I give it all away
To complicate the cost…”
Release – Tea Party
---
He could never tell if he is dreaming or if he is awake for the dream always started the same; ‘awakening’ with her sleeping by his side, peaceful and angelic. He’d reach over to slip his arm around her growing stomach pausing to feel their child moving beneath his metal fingers. The sensation is overwhelming, causing him to smile sadly. He promised no harm would come to her and with the emperor’s help it would be a promise kept.
But then something changes, turning sour (as it always did) and she would slip away from his fingers. The scenery would shift and change melting into the fiery pit of that forsaken planet of lava where his last memories of her come to life. At his feet her body lays limp and unmoving (promises broken). Only now his body is not his own but the metal casing of his life support (his prison).
Though he knows what is to occur next he ignores the shadow of Obi-Wan instead choosing to pick up the unconscious form of his beloved. In silence he leads her back to her ship, his mind resolute. Nevermind the Jedi or the Sith Lord she is here and nothing will ever stand in their paths again. Yet even in dreams he finds no rest as the pain felt when awake takes on a form of its own.
As the princess awakens in his arms his heart sings for joy as he realizes she is both alive and now safe with him. But it is soon crushed as she stares at him, horrified by the sight of his now true form. Backing away she is shaking, her eyes filled with sorrow and pain.
… The Anakin I know is dead… You’re not the one I loved…I don’t think you ever were…
She whispers in disbelief as tears trickle down her cheeks as she fades away, (slipping out of reach) until as always, he wakes up alone trapped in the confines of his suit.
With a still racing heart and labored breath he reminds himself it is only a dream. But in the darkest hour of night, this offers little comfort, as the greatest threat to the galaxy, silently weeps. Mourning the loss of a future that could have been saved but was lost before it even had a chance.
--
“The worst disaster in history have been motivated by emotion. The most revolting torrent of blood has been shed by “idealist” followers of an idol, regardless of common sense” – Wolf Heckmann
“Arm yourselves now. For murder is my motive and my words are my poison.” – Scorpion Clan book
--
Despite Padme’s death and the pain it unleashed the young Sith warrior is still unfocussed. If anything it only furthered his lack of direction. His pain is great, his guilt even greater but instead of channeling it to increase his power as the Emperor had hoped, the dark knight folded into himself. Even with his continued training in the dark side and obvious devotion to him, the division inside could still prove to be a threat. It wouldn’t be hard for his apprentice to return to the light side, as guilt often is a trademark that led to selflessness. Much to his dismay what started as a sure way to keep his make his young protégé under his guidance is now on the verge of unraveling before his eyes.
Time now worked against him and in his meditations the visions granted revealed his concerns making it a possible reality if he didn’t act and soon. This thought lingers in his mind as the Sith Lord moves slowly through the halls of the great ship. It is easy to sense the boys presence nearby and soon he enters the meditation chambers where he pauses watching the one once known as Anakin meditating in silence. The sight of the Sith warrior sitting here in silence has become a common sight to see, more now then before. Under normal circumstances it would please him, but he knows the truth as to why the boy comes here and it bothers (scares) him more then he wishes to admit. For in this state his protégé is powerful, almost too powerful. Should he turn against him it wouldn’t be hard for the pupil to destroy his master. Fortunately he isn’t aware of this and never will for many years to come.
“You should be more careful to hide your presence. It could make you easy prey.”
The Sith Lord states smoothly playing the role of the caring mentor as the younger warrior withdraws from his thoughts. Falling prey to his master’s guise Anakin replies in the cryptic voice of Darth Vader.
“I saw no threat against me my master, so I choose not to hide.”
“That is where you are wrong my friend, I could have hidden my presence from you and attacked while you were in meditation.”
Only silence save for the heavy breathing of Anakin’s respirator greets him in reply. Time to confront the matter at hand the Emperor surmises to himself. It is not an easy one, but with proper guidance (lies) this complication is sure to be dealt with.
“You are distracted Lord Vader.”
He pauses before adding in equally quiet tones.
“You are still thinking of her.”
A small surge of bitterness, anger, not much but it is a beginning.
“How can I not? I only wanted to save her master; but in the end I…failed.”
More pain, undirected, desperate, though it doesn’t show, the Sith master is concerned by the lack of focus he senses in his pupil.
“Do not let your guilt blind you from the truth. Search your feelings young one.
You will see who is truly responsible for all of this.”
Silence falls between them again. Despite his training in the arts of the Jedi the dark warrior is unable to hide his true emotions well. As though studying a book, Lord Sidious reads the boys inner struggle. Aware of his own responsibility in his wife’s death the Sith’s guilt rises as he begins to realizes the error of his ways. Not enjoying the direction his pupil’s thoughts are turning he gently guides Anakin down the path easiest followed, anger and revenge.
“Do you really believe that Obi-Wan actually respected your relationship with Padme? That is was his true intention to support both of your decisions?”
The turn of topic has the desired effect and inwardly smiling to himself the Emperor strikes the open wound and twists the blade.
“Of course not. He is the reason she betrayed you.”
He pauses knowing he has Darth Vader’s full attention now.
“He desired her all along, he knew that he couldn’t have her so he twisted her thoughts, turned her against you. He made sure to anger you enough that you would lash out, killing her in his place. If he wasn’t able to have her then no one should. He planned this all along. After all doesn’t the Jedi code state that they can’t kill the unarmed? You would receive the blame and he would walk away still a Jedi.
Darkness settles into the room and it is electrifying. Watching in silent satisfaction Lord Sidious watches the Onyx form explode in mental rage. Finally direction to the lost emotions he had sensed only too often in the boy. All around him wires burst and the security monitors that decorate the room explode as the ground beneath his feet shakes violently threatening to unbalance him.
“Master, why did you not tell me this sooner?”
He finally states his rage still hanging heavy in the air as the Sith warrior speaks through clenched teeth. His anger and hate towards Obi-Wan was strong before, but without the guilt and doubt clouding his thoughts it is now unprecedented.
“Because you were not ready Lord Vader. Because the time for revenge has not yet come to pass.”
The Sith Lord explain reveling in the rage that still bubbles in Darth Vader’s mind. Now his pupil is focused, with a single purpose, one that will fulfill his master’s plan. A single word escapes the black mask that causes the Emperor to smile wickedly.
“When?”
“My young friend, you will learn soon enough. For now we will prepare and bide our time, for this is still much work to be done.”
Without argument or further question, only obedience and the undying lust for revenge he nods. Finally everything is setting into motion, as it should be. The one formally known as Anakin Skywalker has come to terms with his transition from a Jedi to a Sith warrior. With the acceptance that his life is now over and the link to the past now severed the young Sith begins to focus all of his energy on his destiny as Darth Vader.
With a tinge of relief Lord Sidious senses that the visions of his own demise by the hands of his protégé has been diverted, at least for now.
”… It's in this moment,
Hold on
When everything has come apart
It's in this moment
Right now
When it can come together
Raise your sights
What's there to lose?…”
Fall in the Light - Lori Carson and Graeme Revel
Confusion is an emotion he never hoped to experience again; one he has long since removed from his thoughts. One of many others he long since ceased to feel so long ago. Yet here alone, he finds himself lost once again. Unsettled by the knowledge (hope) that is presented to him only a few short days ago. Why the secret of his son was kept from him only added to the long forgotten thoughts that begin to creep in his mind. He always felt a strange connection to the young Padawan (the princess too, but why?) though he had disregarded it as nothing more then the light side of the force which is strong in him (as it once was with himself).
But now the truth has been made clear to him and try as he may, it grows increasingly harder to destroy the conflict it brings.
However, the trap has been set and word of his son’s arrival reached him almost as soon as he could sense the boy’s presence. All that remained is to wait for the child to come to him. If only he could be patient. But the Dark Side never required patience and so the virtue is now a lost cause to the Sith warrior.
Sensing the unskilled Jedi approaching it takes all of his training to quell the confusion (anticipation) that confronting his son will bring. Yet despite the internal struggle he knows what must be done, just as he knows he won’t hesitate to complete the task at hand. Soon the young Jedi apprentice will be in the presence of his master and then his real training can begin (united we will stand).
Snapping out of his thoughts he catches sight of the boy entering the Carbonate chamber and is careful not to react. Studying the Jedi Padawan the Sith knight notices for the first time the traits that reminds him of his beloved Padme (missing her still). The child bears her cheekbones, her eyes, her serious expression; but it is his jaw line, his gait and his power that his son also carries. If he had any doubts that Luke is his son, he certainly doesn’t doubt it anymore. Only now the question remains is how young Skywalker will react upon learning this truth.
A moment’s pause; a pang of fear (rejection), a flicker of hope (acceptance) and all emotion dissipates until only determination (kill if necessary) and obedience to his master remains (I will not fail).
--
”... Betrayed by the past's desolation
We slept listless nights by the shore
Searching for signs of salvation
Hoping to find something more…
Transmission – Tea Party
--
Turning his back to the window he inwardly sighs before turning back again as if doubting what his eyes tell him to be true. Of course nothing but the blanket of stars (drowning in the inky blackness) greets him. Silently he walks away unable to ignore the weight of disappointment he feels resting on his shoulders. Like a ray of light dancing before his hidden eyes only to be snuffed out, he watched the Falcon disappear without a trace. Leaving in it’s place only confusion and emptiness at what could have been (so close, yet so far).
A second chance is all he needed, all he wanted, another opportunity to speak to him. For the first time since he first embraced his destiny he felt hope. Luke is real, not a fragment, not a lie (one of so many). Seeing him, sensing his power made this knowledge that much more real. Suddenly everything liked pieces of a puzzle fell into place. Though he is unable to kill his master (ties that bind, also choke) his son could. Without history of loyalty it could be done. Together they could rule the empire, a legacy worthy of his son (dreams).
Yet only too soon the idealistic dream is shattered leaving only reality in its wake. He never expected Luke to accept or embrace his identity (fate). He certainly didn’t when it was first presented to him so many years ago. What he didn’t expect is how much the blatant repulsion and horror felt by his son would affect him. Perhaps he placed too much hope in the boy and his ability to destroy the one he could not (regret). Yet despite this loss, he knows there will be another chance (there has to be), even if he doesn’t know when it will be or what will be the outcome.
For now all that remains clear is that he failed (so many mistakes, so much lost). Unlike him, Luke is not so easily swayed by power, or torn by loss (jealousy). The Padawen never knew what it is like to hate, to hunger for revenge. To him the thought of ruling along side his father is unfathomable (expected reaction; unexpected wound) If only he could make the boy understand; to truly embrace his destiny, he must destroy all that stands in his way.
But then perhaps this to, is too much to hope for. For if his son can’t kill the Emperor what hope does he have?
--
”...So in the end
I will be - What I will be
No loyal friend for me
was ever there for me...
These tears you cry
have come too late
take back the lies
the hurt, the blame...
And you will weep
when you face the end alone...
you are lost!
You can never go home..."
Gollums Song - Fran Walsh and Howard Shore
--
Then my father, truly is dead.
Such a simple statement, one so easily ignored or so he wanted to believe. But yet the undercurrents it brought with it catches him off guard. So many years of ignoring the guilt and pain had made him callous and cold. Yet in this instant as his son stares into his eyes (hidden yet painfully exposed) he can almost feel the words cutting deep, leaving it’s mark on the many scars that decorate his soul (paths to the dark side).
But this time the wound is different; while he struggles to tap into the anger and hatred (readily available) all that he finds is remorse. He is supposed to lead the boy to the Emperor himself, to guide him through his first steps to the dark side. But for a moment he refrains as confusion weighs heavy in his mind, along with concern of his master’s reaction should he sense it (weakness will not be tolerated).
Leaning against the railing that over looks the moon’s dense jungle the Sith Lord tries to clear his thoughts of his emotions (shame). Focusing on his master’s desire to turn the boy to the dark side, he reminds himself once more that he must not fail. But despite his determined efforts, the dark knight finds it increasingly difficult to deny the doubt he feels (regret) at forcing his son to face a path he knows is sure to be riddled with pain and suffering.
I know there is good in you father...
The boy's words echo still in his mind as he realized in that moment that his son had sensed his distraction (can't kill him). To his surprise Luke had tried to turn him. Of course it would take much more then that (shouldn't it?) he had come too far, done too much to be so easily swayed now (misplaced hope).
Yet to hear his son say those words (to mean it) brought such discord the likes he could not explain as always whenever he thought of his son. He is the one person who had every reason to hate him but did not (why?). Even when he denounced him it was with heavy sadness, not anger, nor fear or hate. The thought disturbs him greatly and instinctively his hands clench the metal bars of the balcony, denting them, without realization or care. With closed eyes he forces his thoughts clear (Jedi training) of his confusion till he becomes as he should be; focused, determined and obedient.
With thoughts now in tune with his masters he returns inside, reminding himself that the emperor's wishes will be done. Luke will join his side or die by his hand; for there can be no resistance, no doubt in the paths of the dark side. But if that is truth, why is doubt the reason he is here now?
--
”... Don't want to hurt you
I need to make you see
If I desert you
Its just to make you see
That I'm a man that's weak
And I'm a man that's lost
I give it all away
To complicate the cost …”
Release – Tea Party
--
The sky is full of stars and is vibrant with life, yet despite the comfort it should bring he is without a doubt truly alone in the universe. Once regarded as a “hero” the “savior” for which brought balance all that remains now is a mechanized shell, bound to flesh (a heart that beats, a mind that feels). A fallen angel, a tragic villain some whisper, but he knows the truth.
He is only a mere man; a man who wanted nothing more then to save his beloved from a certain demise, only to become the one responsible for it.
Continuing to stare in silence at the window that overlooks the half built death-star he finds his thoughts wandering. Beside him the Emperor (his master) quietly explains the plans and details pertaining to the new weapon and fortress known as the “Death Star”. But in truth he barely hears his mentor, for despite his teachers desire for him to let go of the past the wounds are still too fresh, too painful to let go and he is not strong enough to resist it, not yet.
He doesn’t want to be here, doesn’t want to be part of all this. But he chose his fate and so he must accept the price that comes with it. There can be no turning back now he has gone too far. A shiver runs down his spine (screams echo in his thoughts) and he closes his eyes hoping to block out the violent memories. He tells himself it was necessary that there was no other choice, her life had to be spared, no matter the cost. But the images cease to fade instead growing more vivid as the faces of his victims continue to haunt him.
Doubt fills his carefully hidden thoughts and he wonders if he could have saved her would she understand the sacrifices made to ensure her life? Or would her beautiful eyes settle on the black metal form that is now his body and prison and see only a monster (heart shatters), as she did on that fateful day. Even if Obi-wan hadn’t poisoned her mind, turned her against him, could he have convinced her of the reasons he did what he did? Would she still love him as she did before all of this?
Opening his eyes he stares back out the vast window not realizing (or caring) that the Sith Lord beside him is silent. In his mind the final moments with her replay before him as he realizes the sad truth. When her soul slipped away (like sand slipping through fingers) Anakin Skywalker had lost the will to live, no longer wanting to be in a universe without his beloved. With this realization comes an emptiness that is unexpected and in the deafening quiet he can almost hear the sound of tears falling, as somewhere through the force his angel gently weeps.
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