So Close Yet So Far Away
By: Jody
Rating: PG-13 due to mildly suggestive imagery.
Author's Notes: This AU scene takes place about three years after ROTS andacts as prequelto the tales Picking Up The Broken Pieces and The Promise To Return.
Disclaimer: Of course I own none of this. Though I truly wished I did ;)
"So close, yet so far away."
Yellow. Not exactly a beautiful color, but on her it is absolutely stunning. He can’t quite say when exactly he began to associate the color yellow with happiness. But he wonders if it was when he shared his first kiss by the lake side on Naboo. Or perhaps it was the time they played in the fields nearby. How lovely she looked in her gown of amber; laughing at his attempts to show off by riding the back of a Shaak.
Of course it is all in the past, as with all happy moments it is fleeting. Now he stands beside Grand Moff Tarkin in a body that is but a charred and broken shell of what it once was. While across the table and what feels like a million miles away she stands beside her own colleagues; looking as lovely as the angel she in yet another golden dress.
He can’t help but wonder if she is aware of the havoc she is causing his normally calculating thoughts. Though she hides it well, he imagines she knows. After all there is little that she doesn’t know about the former Jedi knight. Nor was he was ever subtle about enjoying her beauty or presence in the past.
Which begged the question; why?
After all it isn’t like she ever spoke to him now, save for the clipped replies necessary or the polite but cool greetings. She no longer sees him as her love; not anymore. To her, the former Jedi is just another evil and heartless Sith Lord. A monster with no soul left to save. If only she knew.
But with her soothing presence so near and looking as lovely as she always does, the young man behind the dark mask finds remaining detached from his emotions to be harder then he’d care to admit.
Inwardly he curses the dreaded respirator he must wear and the burn scars that now decorate his once handsome frame. Curses even more the fact he can’t just send the Grand Moff, as well as the remaining members of the dying senate away.
What he would give to be alone with the fiery angel in the amber gown. To be able to touch her cheek and kiss her lips, to be too blissfully distracted to even notice the golden fabric slipping to the floor in a heap.
“I will not argue you with any of you further. The emperor has made his decision and you will follow it accordingly.”
The Grand Moff continues unaware of the Sith Lord’s lack of attention.
“You should consider yourselves most fortunate that I am the one issuing the Emperor’s decree; unless of course, you prefer Lord Vader’s methods of enforcing Imperial law.”
The mention of his title immediately pulls him from his hazy thoughts. Inwardly he thanks the force that no one can see his face. While at the same time wondering how it is possible for his cheeks to burn more now then when they were still healing.
Just as the Sith Lord manages to put his thoughts back onto the task before him, he feels Padme’s eyes studying him closely. Instinctively he returns her gaze though he can’t be sure she knows it. Her eyes barely flicker under his watchful intent, revealing everything, yet nothing at all.
However since that fateful day on Mustafar the powerful yet delicate connection between them had been severed. It was a painful result of unspoken decisions and difficult choices; mutual though in nature, or so he tells himself. One that made it impossible for her to feel his emotions or even touch his thoughts.
Yet if he didn’t know any better he could swear that there is a little color in her cheeks that wasn’t there a moment ago. But as soon as he notices this she glances away turning her attentions once more to her fellow senators who continue to argue with the Grand Moff.
He tries to keep his thoughts on the task at hand, but soon his eyes once more drift back to her. But all hints of emotion that may have been in her features a moment ago is long since gone. Leaving in its place only the stony expression he once teasingly called her “politician’s mask”. At one time he would have found it amusing, now it just leaves him feeling both tired and battle weary.
As always the meeting would drone on. The members of the senate would continue their pointless arguments awhile longer, until they realized that it is in everyone’s best interests to support the Emperor’s decree. Of course Padme would join the fight or debate as she’d call it, before promptly leaving once the meeting is adjourned.
As usual not a word would pass between them, that is, if she could have her way. Then she would slip out of his life once more. That is until the clashing arenas of military and politics force her back into his life once more.
He desperately wishes that things could be different.
But she chose her path just as he did, leaving them on opposite sides; always within reach, but forever apart.
< back