The sky was dark this morning
Not a bird in the trees
And silence hung suspicious and anxious
Like a blanket covered scream
You were gone
...
Quiet, desperately
Look into their eyes you’ll see the faithless crying
Save me, save me, save me
–Fuel
The toxin was subtle, not even detectable by droids; Palpatine had made sure of it. Dormé also, for her small size, did not have to ingest much of it for a very long period for the effects to be disastrous. But whatever it was that Vader was doing, it was beginning to help. Of course, time would be the only thing to fully get the toxin out of her system, but the dark side powers filtering into her cells ferociously combated the deadly toxin.
After awhile, she blinked her eyes open, feeling exhausted as if she had been sparring for a few hours, but not nearly as weak as before. She reached up to touch his hand.
‘You’re going to be alright...’ he breathed in utter relief as he reached out gently to take her hand that was reaching out for his own.
Tears came to her eyes at the sight of Vader. She thought—no, she did not know what to think. She was not exactly sure what had happened, only that she had told him what she found out and how much it upset her. But something within her took hold, causing her to nearly faint.
From his expression and the tear stains on his cheeks, she could tell he had been crying and immediately felt bad though still confused. All that mattered though was that he said she would be all right.
He had done something to bring her back from the dark. She did not know what caused it, but she desperately did not want to leave him. Had he been able to save her from death?
Dormé kissed his hand to express what she could not say. As she did so, a weak smile crept into his features as silent tears trickled down his cheek. He had saved her; Dormé was confident of this now and kissed his hand, not able to find the proper words to convey everything she wanted to say. Anakin’s hand shook slightly beneath hers and it sent concern rushing through her. He had put so much effort into saving her, something she could not begin to fathom though her heart swelled at the thought.
‘I was so scared...I thought I—Oh my love—I’m just so glad you’re alright...’ he whispered, leaning over to kiss her forehead.
When he leant closer to kiss her forehead, she snaked her arms around his shoulders, kissing away the tears on his cheeks in hopes it would also ease his concerns for her and that he would also be able to rest now, to regain his strength.
Once again, they did not need words. So much was spoken by actions, easing Anakin’s fears and Dormé’s concern for him. Vader must have realised that they were still in the kitchen, for he was soon gently lifting her into his exhausted arms, carrying her petite form to their bed so she would be able to rest properly and recover.
Dormé herself was far too exhausted to register his blushing cheeks, but did what little she could to help as he lifted her into his arms. She held him close as he carried her to the bedchamber. Though she was very tired, she made certain that he would be joining her and set about helping him out of the rest of his armour without a word. She knew she would be unable to rest properly without him by her side.
Vader sent her an appreciative smile as the two of them, with fumbling hands, removed his armour. Soon he joined her in bed and almost immediately, they fell asleep.
It did not take long after he rested next to her before she fell asleep. Her exhaustion prevented her from being able to have any dreams, but upon waking several hours later, she felt the guilt returning to her full throttle.
Dormé vividly recalled being told that she would not be able to have children, that she had failed Vader. Despite the reassuring words from the day before, it was almost impossible for her to believe that it was true, that he would not cast her off because of it.
She released a shaky sigh, resisting the tears that threatened to return. He deserved to have children. They deserved it. It was not fair.
When Dormé roused, she did not feel him lying beside her. Usually there would at the very least be an arm wrapped around, but when she blinked her eyes open, he was nowhere to be found.
The distraught hit her violently as if all of her fears were confirmed. He had left her!
Springing from the bed, she searched the rooms, unable to find him and seeing that everything was in its place just as it had been the night before. There was nothing to clean up anywhere...it was as if he had left her when she fell asleep...
No, no, he said he wouldn’t. He has never lied to me. He would never— Dormé called up the more rational side of her. It was then she calmed down and went to the fresher, hearing the water running. Feeling relieved at the sound, she chided herself for doubting him. But then, she heard him...weeping.
Still clothed, she boldly went into the shower, not caring if it would be seen as intrusion. If anything ever completely tore at her soul, it was the sight of her dearest friend in pain.
Dormé paid little heed to the running water until it abruptly stopped as her concern for him was overwhelming, even more than her own guilt. He would not even look at her and this tore at her heart.
‘Anakin...’ she began, her voice filled with despair.
Then Vader spoke, his words haunting, arresting. ‘I’m sorry...’ he whispered softly. ‘For everything... All of this is my fault...’ He continued in barely audible tones.
How could this possibly be his fault? If he was speaking of the same thing she was thinking of, the fact that she could not conceive, he had nothing to do with that. So then figured he meant something to do with her near brush with death. How was he involved with that? Had he unintentionally misused his powers?
Confused, she drew nearer, hesitantly placing a hand on his shoulder. ‘What do you mean?’
The fallen Jedi closed his eyes and drew in a shaky breath. ‘I am the reason for all of this... It was because of my actions at the Temple—because I killed the younglings—that I lost my only child. It is because of this that I know I’ll never be worthy enough to be called a father. I know I am not deserving of it. Not anymore—not after what I’ve done. But you don’t deserve this punishment, this needless suffering because of my crime and for that I’m so sorry...’ he admitted in soft but shamed tones.
‘Anakin, you know why they had to die,’ she insisted, ‘because they were Jedi, because they betrayed you and lied to you! Younglings or not, they would have become the traitors to the Empire, a threat to all you’ve worked so hard to build—’
Dormé strained to make him look at her, her eyes fiercely defensive of him. ‘Even if you consider that a crime, it is not related to what happened to your child, nor is the cause of anything having to do with me.’ Guilt upon guilt over past deeds was not helping their current situation and it certainly was not making her feel any better.
Vader reached out to touch her cheek, but stopped himself and she let out a shaky sigh, unable to say anything further for a moment. ‘It’s just... I can’t help but feel responsible for this,’ he said quietly.
‘No, it was me—’ she began, trying to swallow back the tears welling in her eyes. ‘I just—’
‘I was the one who made you feel as though you had fail me—which you never would—that somehow made you believe I was going to leave you...I—’ he hesitated, glancing away from her. ‘If anything, I thought you would want to leave me...because of what I had done, because I made you feel this way...’ he admitted quietly.
When Anakin looked away from her, she could not stop tears from escaping. ‘I would never leave you,’ she said in no more than a whisper. ‘I don’t ever want to leave you. Anakin...’
Quietly he moved to hold her close as he buried his face in her dark hair. ‘I would never leave you. I cannot live without you, Dormé—you are my everything. I swear to you I will never leave. I love you too much to even consider such a thought...’ he whispered ferventlym tightened his embrace. ‘I am so sorry if I ever did or said anything that would make you feel otherwise.’
When he buried his face in her hair, finally holding her, she broke down. His words spoke to all of her fears and she felt so stupid for having ever thought he would consider casting her away. ‘I wanted to give you children so badly— I was so foolish for thinking you would ever leave and I’m sorry for making you think that you had done anything to—’
Holding her just as tightly, Vader he gently stroked her hair, closing his eyes. ‘It’s alright, my love... It’s alright, I’m just so glad you are still here...That you not going to leave. That is all that truly matters to me,’ he whispered gently.
Dormé pulled him closer as if she would never be able to hold him again. ‘Oh Anakin,’ she cried, ‘I love you so much.’
He drew back slightly just so he could study her features with possessive fervency. Then touching her cheeks, the Sith Lord wiped away her tears as his eyes shone with his own. ‘My love, you are here that is all that matters to me. All I need is your love, to know that you are by side now and always. Remember, you and I are one... Nothing can or will ever change that,’ he said in a gentle, but determined tone.
Everything would be all right now, Dormé was sure of this as he erased her doubts in words and action. Though part of her would always ache to give him children, to see their perfect love manifested in another being they created, having him by her side was more than she could have ever hoped for. With this in mind, she was able to forgive herself of the guilt and fully accept his reassuring words.
As Anakin studied her, she matched his possessive gaze with equal ardour. He wiped the tears from her cheeks with his still moist hands and she could not deny seeing tears shining in his own.
She concluded his determined protestation with a kiss, finding no words to properly convey what she would have wanted to say in reply.
After the blissful kiss, which seemed to cement their refusal to ever cast each other off, Dormé touched his cheek, smiling softly for a moment. The emotions still running high, though not as intensely as before, she returned to herself and noticed he was without clothing. Not wanting him to catch a chill, she reached for a nearby towel.
Yes, she mused as she moved to help dry him off, there is so much to be thankful for.
It was only when she moved to wrap a towel around him that the Sith Lord seemed to notice his current position. Blushing slightly he gave a sheepish smile before holding her close.
A/N: Poor emo kids ¬pats them¬ Well, if you
think they’re melodramatic now, just wait. The first chapters of the yet untitled AU Anakin/Dormé fic will be up within the next few days because I just cannot resist it!
bflyy, I’m glad to know I’m not the only one. Padmé was cool in PM, but it just went downhill from there!
As usual, credit to Anakin/Vader’s dialogue—aside from minor grammatical or word choice/order changes—goes to Jody, without whom this story would not be.
More evil creepiness (or is it creepy evilness?) to come!
on to chapter eleven
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