When motherhood becomes the fruit of a deep yearning, not the result of ignorance or accident, its children will become the foundation of a new race.
–Margaret Sanger
Some weeks after the incident on Bespin, the Vaders received word that Luke had been captured by one of the hired bounty hunters and was being held on Gall in the Cadavine Sector. Dormé took it upon herself to visit the boy, endeavouring to change his mind about Vader and becoming part of their family. It was clear that a less barbaric form of persuasion was in order.
Though his own confrontation with their son had hardly gone as Anakin had hoped, he had faith that if anyone could convince Luke of their sincerity, it would be his beloved. Dormé, in his mind, was the perfect mother and he truly believed that his wife loved Luke, far more than his own birth mother ever had. When word reached them about their son’s capture and that he was being held on Gall, Vader was more than in agreement with Dormé’s desire to speak to Luke. He watched her as she made preparations for her visit, cooking and baking her finest foods, warming his heart in the process. Folding his arms, he observed in silent admiration, thinking how fortunate Luke was to have a mother like her. He is certain to love her, Vader thought. He was equally certain that their son would be coming home to them and that they would be a family, that Dormé would finally be able to be the mother he knew she so badly wanted to be…was meant to be.
All of the clones and imperial officers knew who Dormé was, so it took little effort on her part to gain admittance to the boy’s cell, even if she was unaccompanied by Vader. Their army knew that messing with her meant death by either her hand or her beloved’s. Donning her least expensive and plainest gown, one she had not touched since her days serving Amidala, and without fanfare, Lady Vader entered the cellblock the bounty hunters kept the fledgling Jedi in. Within the folds of her tattered old cloak, she kept her custom-made wakizashi given to her two decades ago, though she knew she would not need it. In her arms, she carried a basket containing food she prepared ahead of time. Approaching their son’s cell, she paid the bounty hunters the promised sum for his capture, for he would be coming with her. She entered and the door slid shut behind her.
Luke, having felt a person approaching, sat up and rubbed his eyes. It had been difficult attempting any sleep in this uncomfortable cell. The feel of this person’s Force signature was incredibly strange. He was not sure what to make of it, but he certainly did not expect this woman was Lady Vader herself.
The woman tossed back the hood of her worn cloak, revealing her long, dark hair and flawless pale skin. Luke could not deny that she was beautiful, though much older than him. His thoughts raced with questions though there would be more questions than answers by the time this impromptu meeting was over. He watched her carefully as she seated herself across from him in the tiny cell. Though he wished he had his lightsaber which was lost somewhere in Bespin, despite his hesitancy, he did not feel the woman was a threat.
‘I brought this for you. I thought you could do with some proper food,’ she said, handing over the basket of food.
Luke examined it carefully, but the mouth-watering aroma was too powerful to ignore. Though he knew it was not wise to eat food given by strangers, he felt it was all right…and besides, he was hungry. ‘Thank you,’ he said before trying one of the dishes.
Dormé smiled, pleased that he seemed to enjoy her cooking. She was overwhelmed with motherly concern for their son, afraid he had not had a good, proper meal all his life since she had not been there to see to it herself. She could only imagine what sort of nutrition he received amongst the pitiful rebels.
He did not know why, but he felt a strange sort of connection to this mysterious woman. He could not explain it.
‘Hello, Luke. How’s your hand?’ she asked as he ate. She was sincerely concerned about him, for she had not approved of her husband’s methods, dark side influence or not.
Luke’s first reaction was to make a fist with his new mechanical hand, opening and closing it before looking up at the stranger curiously. ‘How do you know me?’
‘I knew you before you were born,’ she replied, noting how similar his facial expressions were to her husband. ‘Your birth mother and I were very close.’
‘My mother…’
Dormé’s heart beat stronger in her chest, her eyes watering as he said this aloud. Though she knew he did not mean ‘mother’ in reference to her, it was so close, she wanted to pretend it was, even if for just a moment.
The woman was unobtrusive, calm, collected… He felt an odd sensation of love from her, but it seemed warped or shrouded by something else. It was very odd indeed. She said one thing, but what he registered of her emotions was completely different. ‘Who are you?’ he asked.
‘My name is Dormé,’ she replied.
Luke did not recognise the name. There were very few people outside of the higher ranking officers on The Executor who knew Lady Vader’s forename. He knew something was going on, but he was not sure what. ‘Why are you here?’
Dormé smiled knowingly. He was impatient just like Anakin and she were. It was endearing to see what traits he had inherited outside of his looks. ‘You look so much like your father,’ she commented rather than directly answering his question. She desperately wanted to draw the boy into her arms and take him home, but resisted the urge.
‘My father,’ Luke scoffed, bitterly reminded of their confrontation. But despite the anger and despair he felt from the revelation, which was still difficult to accept, he was keenly aware this woman was connected somehow. ‘You knew him?’
‘Yes,’ Dormé replied vaguely. The disgust and lack of compassion displayed by Luke at the mere mention of his father disgusted her. I knew him, I know him, I love him…He’s the other half of my soul…
Luke wanted to know why Ben did not tell him. Why had he been brought up with a lie about him being pilot? It was such rubbish!
‘Your father loves you very much,’ she said. ‘We both do.’
Luke’s ears perked at this. It was not the fact that this woman believed his father and Vader were the same person, that she seemed to know this, but also that she said she loved him. ‘You love him? How can you love him now after what he’s done? I want to hate him, but I know I shouldn’t. It’s not the way of the Jedi…’
Dormé felt he was quite justified in his anger. She also knew very well the power anger could wield if manipulated the correct way. However, his questions about her love for Anakin prompted her to take a different tactic. Instead of waging verbal warfare with the fledgling Jedi and rebel alliance member, she played on the other emotions Vader failed to touch upon. ‘Luke, Anakin is the only person who ever looked past my own background, my status as a handmaiden and Imperial security officer to see me for who I truly am. He’s the truest and dearest friend I have ever had. For the past two decades, we have striven for peace in this galaxy side-by-side. When I thought he died aboard the Death Star, I was ready to take my own life to follow him. As much as I love him, he loves me. And we love you too, Luke.’ She could not help reaching out to the boy who was really a young man, brushing the hair from his temple. ‘Luke, whatever you might have heard about him, he has suffered so much, we both have. When I tell you he is a good man, that he has always wanted the best for you, you must believe me.’
Dormé’s impassioned speech made an impression on Luke that would not resurface until he saw his father again. He was drawn in by it, though he struggled to believe it was all true. He had grown up hating the Empire, all of the violence and destruction it created. His ideals did not coincide with this woman’s and it was hard to envision Vader as a loving person. He wondered why Vader would chop of his hand if he loved him so much. It made little sense. He bowed his head.
Dormé watched Luke’s eyes, which alerted her to his almost conversion to utter horror once more. This wasn’t working, but she felt she was getting close to pushing the right buttons. ‘I’ll bet you always felt there was something more waiting for you when you were stuck on that wasteland of Tatooine,’ she began, her motherly concern shifting to the dark desires of sinful hearts. ‘…always felt you were better than that place…’
Luke nodded, but didn’t meet her eyes for a moment. He furrowed his brow, looking at her quizzically. ‘Why are you here exactly?’
‘I’m here to tell you, you were meant for more. Have you ever considered inheriting an Empire? Servants at your disposal? You would have the best of everything and get whatever you want, whenever you want it… Anakin wants to complete your training, but with the Sith. Don’t you see, it will be perfect! The three of us can be a family just as we’ve always wanted, Luke!’ Tears came to her eyes as she added, ‘We thought you had died…all those years ago…You’ve grown up into a fine young man and I regret not being around to see it. We’ve already missed out on so many years together…It was a crime that Kenobi kept you from us for so long!’
Luke was truly starting to be drawn in to Dormé’s words. The strength of emotions pouring off her had a huge affect on him. For a moment, Luke almost felt as though he wanted to hug her, as if she were his long-lost mother. It was incredibly strange, but as soon as that feeling came, it dissipated. There was something sinister toward the end of her speech, something riddled in her Force signature. She had been so endearing, warm, and loving, but as she spoke of Obi-Wan, to say he was less-inclined to buy into it was an understatement. The mention of Ben was not the right move on this woman’s part. He still missed his mentor and all the wisdom he could have learnt from him if only Vader, his father had not killed him. ‘Don’t talk about Ben like that! Vader killed him, right in front of me!’
‘Ben?’ Dormé was confused by this, but only sidetracked for a moment. ‘Listen, Luke, I’m sorry Anakin cut off your hand. I was furious upon hearing this. It was most certainly not the right way to go about telling you of your family—’
This woman was starting to sound scary and he almost wished she had not come in to this cell. It seemed like the dark side was in her, though he knew she was not Force sensitive. Or if she was, she had not displayed the ability yet. She had a deranged look in her amber eyes which before had looked so tempting. She had said things about him and lured him with information he was not so sure he wanted to know anymore, despite his curiosity. This woman claimed to have known his mother, but seemed like she could have been his mother, telling him things he had wanted to hear since he was a little boy, dreaming of adventures in space. She had all of the answers, it seemed, but he wanted to hear it from Obi-Wan. But Ben’s dead…Vader killed him…It’s not possible that Ben might have lied to me…is it? But judging from the look in Dormé’s eyes and the way the dark side felt to him, Luke just knew it was the wrong path to take. He did not want to become like his father.
She could tell he was no longer listening to her and that she had lost him.
‘Why did you come here really?’
‘Because I want to take you home. I want you to be part of our family,’ she said once more, desperately clinging to the hope that he would change his mind.
Jumping from his seat, causing the rest of her food basket to drop to the floor, he asked, ‘So you didn’t come here to kill me?’ with almost a sardonic tone, unknowingly close to his father’s.
Dormé rose to her feet, the tears returning. ‘Why would I harm you, Luke? What your father did was a mistake. I spoke to him about that—we truly want what is best for you. We want to protect you and love you. We want you to be happy, that’s all, I promise.’
Luke stared down at her, his heart beating wildly. ‘I would be happier if you let me out of here so I can find my friend which my father so graciously froze in carbonite and gave to some bounty hunter,’ he said, trying to withhold his anger.
Dormé straightened her cloak and nodded slowly in understanding. Just before turning to leave, she placed her hands on either side of his head before standing on the balls of her feet to kiss his forehead in benediction. In silence, she smiled sadly while she put his face to memory. She touched his cheek and departed, leaving the door to his cell open. She almost regretted having to tell Anakin that she failed, though she knew he would know since Luke was not going to be returning with her.
Little did Dormé know that later, when all was said and done, she would be so incredibly proud of Luke for resisting her attempt to draw him into their web of darkness.
During her absence, Anakin went about preparing a room for the Padawan. Though it was not a part of their chambers, it was within their private wing of the ship so privacy would be ensured. Though it hardly had the splendour that Vader presumed their son would want, it was still quite elegant and more than suited for the boy’s needs.
It was not long after he returned to their personal chambers that Anakin sensed Dormé’s presence returning to the ship. Almost immediately, he knew something was wrong for he did not sense Luke’s Force signature with her. Frowning in concern, he could feel her sorrow and could only imagine what had happened. He knew how much she had been looking forward to this moment and could only imagine how much it hurt to have to leave without Luke. With this in mind, Anakin swiftly put on his armour and went to meet her as fast as he could. Though he might not have known what exactly had happened, whatever it was, he wanted to be there for her, to be her support and comfort as she was for him so many times before.
Dormé was able to leave Luke with her shoulders back and her head held high. She compartmentalized the event so that she could be just like that handmaiden she used to be and return aboard her ship without anyone being the wiser about her true intentions behind this mission. But upon boarding The Executor, she began to waver as her emotions resurfaced. Try as she might, as soon as she heard Vader’s breathing and approaching footsteps, she raced over to him as the tears began to fall heedlessly. She could not speak and knew she did not have to, at least not yet. She felt rejected and worthless, but felt sorry that she had failed him. She knew how much he wanted them to be a family, just as much as she did. It just was not meant to be.
At the sight of her the Sith lord felt his heart go out to her and moved swiftly as she rushed towards him. Slipping his arms around her Anakin once more cursed his armour and as he silently tried to comfort his beloved. Gently running his hand over her hair and doing half circles on her back, he tried to comfort her sorrow by sending her soothing thoughts through the Force. Knowing she would want privacy and wanting to hold her properly without the confines of his suit, Vader gently guided her to their chambers. Once inside, he swiftly removed his mask and once more moved to draw her close while gently kissing her forehead. Vader did not need to ask what had happened for Dormé’s sorrow spoke volumes to him and caused his heart to ache for her. After all she had been through, with only himself to blame, all Anakin wanted was for her to know happiness, to know the joy she so rightfully deserved.
Dormé could not remember returning to their quarters because her thoughts were on Luke and how close she had come to persuading him into coming home. There were very few things Dormé wanted and to be able to take care of Luke, though he was already a young man, was something she desperately hoped for. Now, it seemed it was too late and he had made the decision not to come with her. ‘I’m sorry,’ she murmured after he kissed her forehead. ‘I tried but he wouldn’t listen.’
Anakin furrowed his brow feeling Dormé’s despair and sorrow that intermingled with his own. As always, he never could quite say where her feelings ended and his began. Vader was just too close to Dormé regard himself as whole without her anymore. Holding her close, he caught her murmured words and gently shook his head as he tried to sooth her pain through both his actions and the Force. ‘My love, there is no need to apologize. This is, after all, my fault. Had I not been such a fool and lost myself in battle, our son wouldn’t have been so hesitant about returning home,’ he admitted sadly.
She sniffed and wiped her eyes though remaining in his arms. Resting her head on his chest, she let out a long, despondent sigh. If not for her own sake, but for Anakin’s, she had failed in getting Luke to open up. It was a failing, but not a permanent one.
Anakin tightened his embrace and moved to gently remove the remnant tears from her cheek before returning his fingers to her hair. Her sigh made his heart ache for her as silently he cursed Luke for hurting Dormé who had wanted nothing more than to be the mother he never had. While he was aware that the boy had been brainwashed by his former master, Vader wished that Luke could have given Dormé a chance. His beloved had done nothing to their son, but show him kindness and love. If the Padawan had anyone to be bitter towards, it was him. ‘Dormé, it’s going to be all right. After all, a lifetime of brainwashing can’t be undone overnight. Look how long it took for me to have my eyes opened to the truth about the Jedi. It’s probably going to be the same for Luke,’ he said gently hoping to ease her despair and help her see that her attempts were not as fruitless as she believed. Little did he realize just how correct he was in this assessment, despite the fact it would not be for the reasons he believed.
Though her beloved’s words were reassuring and she nodded to them, she could not help feeling as though it would be the last time she ever saw Luke. She thought of how familiar his personality was, how passionately he spoke of his friends, the slight movements of his body and gestures that were so familiar, yet slightly different. Luke, despite all his protestations was their son. Dormé told Anakin everything that was said between them, emphasizing just how close she had come to bringing him home.
Anakin held her close as Dormé spoke while gently playing with her hair and caressing her back hoping to sooth her troubled thoughts and pain even a little. Though it did not go as planned, Anakin was grateful that Dormé took the chance to see their son. At least Luke now was a little familiar with his family and would hopefully understand that they only wanted what was best for him, despite the poison fed to him by Obi-Wan and the Rebels he now associated himself with. Vader felt that Dormé did nothing wrong and in fact her words only made him all the more disappointed in their son. He was far too hard on her. His anger should have been directed at him for he was the one who removed Luke’s hand, not Dormé. His beloved was nothing more than kind and gentle to the boy.
Then she recalled the basket of food crashing to the floor, his request to find his friend and how she said goodbye. ‘I shouldn’t have brought up Kenobi. If I hadn’t, he would have come home,’ she sadly concluded. ‘He was so close, so close...’ She shook her head before looking up at Vader.
As Dormé expressed her concerns about how she had spoke of Obi-Wan—which, in her opinion, was the cause for Luke’s rejection—Anakin shook his head gently as he touched her cheek. ‘You did the right thing. If you hadn’t spoken about him, then how else would you have been able to expose Luke to the truth? Though he might have refused you then, Luke will look back and realize that your actions only confirms what he knows deep down to be true. Not even Obi-Wan’s poison could blind him from that,’ Anakin concluded softly as he furrowed his brow feeling his own shame returning.
‘You’re right, I shouldn’t have expected him to be able to forget all those years of brainwashing. I just can’t help feel—’ Dormé exhaled slowly, not wanting to finish the sentence. It was true she did not feel that she would ever see Luke again, though she did not know how true this thought was. She herself had no idea that the last wound she had inflicted upon herself, thinking her beloved was dead, would never fully heal.
Vader tightened his embrace to Dormé’s words as he gave her a gentle look. He could not blame her for struggling over the experience and he could only imagine how emotionally wearing it had to have been on her. Once more, he was reminded of his actions towards Luke and cursed himself for not being more mindful. ‘If anyone is to blame for his rejection, it is me. I was the one who ruined things for us. If only I hadn’t been so caught up the battle—’ He fell silent, shaking his head. He did not want to think about what he had done for it filled him with such shame now. It was another callous action that only served to hurt those he loved.
‘I wish we could make sure none of our officers fire upon him. I’m worried about him, running around with those Rebels. I could tell he hadn’t had a proper meal in ages... Oh why wouldn’t he listen?’ she rambled on, thinking about what she could have said or done differently and of the dangers he would face outside of their protection.
As Dormé spoke of her fears, Vader furrowed his brow in concern as well. He did not think their officers would fire on him as he had specifically told his subordinates in the past that Luke Skywalker was a matter that they would tend to themselves. It was not much, but he hoped their fear of them would override their need to remove this particular rebel. Even so, hearing Dormé express her concerns only reminded Anakin what a perfect mother she would be for Luke, if only the boy would realize it. ‘It’s going to be all right. The officers know better than to harm him. They know it is a matter we are dealing with personally. Their fear of us will ensure their proper behaviour,’ he said softly as he leaned in letting his forehead touch hers.
‘He doesn’t even have your old lightsaber anymore to protect him!’
‘My love, he’s going to be fine. He might only be a Padawan but he strong in the Force and with us watching him, even from this distance, no harm will come to him,’ he concluded gently.
Anakin assured her the officers would not intentionally fire upon their son and this too was comforting, though there were plenty of others not working directly under them who did not play by the same rules. She knew of his Force abilities, but would honestly feel more comfortable about it all if he still had his lightsaber. ‘Those rebels claim they want peace and all they do is encourage war,’ she muttered, wishing Luke would just see their folly, but then her husband said how fortunate Luke was.
Anakin nodded, not understanding the irony of the situation or the truth of it all. To him, the Rebels were nothing more than warmongers who could not just accept the peace that had been given to them. He could only hope that Luke in time would see the error of their ways and understand the truth’s of Dormé and his own words. In soft tones, he added, ‘He is so fortunate to have such a loving mother watching out for him. I have faith that in time, despite the poison fed to him, Luke will realize this as well.’
Tears once more came to her eyes as she gazed up at him. ‘I will always be watching out for him, just as I will always be watching over you, even if you don’t need me to, being a powerful Sith lord as you are,’ she said softly, though her voice was strong.
Her final comment tore at his heart and painfully reminded him of the old doctor’s words. Closing his eyes, he tried to ignore the tears that began to sting in his eyes and the lump that formed in his throat.
She watched him intently, seeing him close his eyes and swallow hard. She knew something was wrong, but did not press it. She never did, even when she desperately wanted to know what was troubling. She knew he had the ability to see things, most often in meditations or in the form of dreams that were of future events, but she placed little faith or value in such things. As such, she never pestered him about his visions. She just prayed it was not anything detrimental involving their son. To her, Anakin and Luke’s well-fare and happiness were her primary concerns.
Reminding himself to enjoy what little time they had together, Vader forced back his silent despair and opened his eyes once more. Gazing down at the beauty that had been and always would be his queen, he put her words to heart unaware of how true this too would become. Touching her cheek, he swallowed as he studied her intently putting her image to memory as though he would never see her again. ‘My love, I will always need you. Without you, I am truly nothing more than a shadow of what I am,’ he said in soft and sincere tones.
He was looking at her in such a way that always warmed her heart. Had she been Force sensitive, she would have recognised the pain and despair emanating from him. Since she was unaware of it, she smiled at his words.
Forcing his thoughts clear, Anakin tried to focus on the present, to not think of the future as he often struggled not to do. It was a trait he had always admired about Dormé, for she never had time for such things. But in this moment, it was also a relief for it was the last thing he wanted to discuss. Yet as he studied her in reverent silence, the Sith lord tried his best to ignore his fears and to hide them from his beloved. Yet even so, it was hard to ignore the strange feeling of finality that lingered in this moment and it reflected in his words. However much to his relief Dormé did not sense his despair and seemed to visibly calm. Her smile both warmed and tore at his heart. If only these moments could last forever.
She rose up to kiss him tenderly on the lips. This itself was enough to make her feel much better about the entire episode.
Focus on these moments for how soon they will fade, he reminded himself before returning her smile and gently kissing her back as though it were their last as he tightened his embrace. How I love you, my dearest Dormé, he whispered into her thoughts.
Dormé focused on their kiss, though it was clear there was something different about it. As much as she would try to ignore it, there was a nagging feeling in the back of her head telling her to put her all into it. With his whispered message, such dark thoughts dissipated to the point that she forgot about it.
‘I love you, Anakin,’ she murmured with all of her heart between kisses. Dormé knew she did not say it enough. ‘I love you...so much...’ She pressed herself close to him as she held him possessively tight. She had always loved him, even when she did not know it. The day might have forfeited Luke to the Rebels, but she had her king and that, at the end of the day, was what mattered most. Everything else would fall into place. It was only a matter of time, she felt optimistically.
on to chapter nineteen
< back