Once Dormé was released from the intensive medical care and back in their private chambers on Coruscant, she was feeling much better. Although she was feeling better, the damage had already been done. It was not only that she would bear a scar, but the internal damage would never fully heal. After a few days of taking things slowly, she was able to perform her duties as normal, even spar a little with her beloved. He seemed to be going too easy on her and though it frustrated her, she knew it was because he was concerned about her. Those few days seemed almost like how it had been before and Dormé was so thankful to be with him again. The time apart, even with the investigation she carried out, had been torturous. She admitted she never wanted to be away from him that long ever again because she had missed him so much.

Anakin took the news of Dormé’s condition badly and though Dormé was recovering as best as one could hope given the situation, the Sith Lord was all too aware of her frailty. Though Dormé insisted she was healing properly, Vader was frightened of harming his Queen again, and as such, there were times when Dormé had to remind him she was no fragile ornament. But despite her frustrations, Anakin still struggled with his fears and had to constantly remind himself that Dormé was indeed all right. Even so, deep down he knew better and this would become one of the many things he would never forgive himself for. Despite this, Anakin was happy to have his beloved back in his arms again. Their days apart were hellish and Dormé was not the only one to admit to never wanting to be apart again. Even though they were together once more, Vader could not help but still feel as though they were still apart in some sort of way. With the recent return of his Force sensitivity, it was easy for Vader to lose himself in the heady rush of the darkness. It was because of this that he once more grew blind to his beloved’s feelings and sensitivity.

On this particular evening, when word reached him pertaining to the possible location of Luke Skywalker, Anakin’s thoughts were consumed with eager joy. With Dormé’s injuries, Vader’s priorities had shifted from the discovery of his son to her, but now that she was healed, or as healed as she could ever be, his thoughts soon returned to his latest obsession. He had yet to tell her about the news of Luke and was now more than eager to share the good news. Had he not been so blinded by the darkness that coursed through his veins, Vader would have been more than aware of the fact this was a delicate subject for Dormé. Despite his lack of concern over her inability to bear children, it was something Dormé still struggled with. His obsession to locate and reunite with the past would cause more damage than good. The division which was beginning to form in their relationship was about to become a great rift that would almost destroy their unity.

But this was hardly something that weighed on his mind as Anakin ended his discussion with his contact about Luke on the holo-vid. Quietly returning to the kitchen, he moved to pour Dormé and himself a glass of the toxic green drink they both enjoyed. The news was wondrous to say the least and if all went well he hoped to be able to cross young Skywalker’s path in the next few days. Returning to the living rooms of their chambers, he moved to offer Dormé a fluted glass as he gave a grin. ‘I have some wondrous news to share with you,’ he began unaware just how devastating this news really would be for her.

Dormé had always enjoyed quiet evenings like this when the entire galaxy seemed to be at peace under their rule, or at least was not bothering them like a precocious child. But as they reclined on a couch together, their time was interrupted by a personal call for Vader. Dormé hoped it was not something pressing so that it could be tended to in the morning and watched as her beloved left to take it. When Anakin returned, he seemed to be in joyful spirits and she gazed at him curiously, as he poured a drink for the both of them. Dormé was far from a patient woman and she wanted him to just tell her instead of keeping up the suspense. She took the glass from him, but did not drink, her eyes dancing in mischief. ‘What is it?’

Sensing her curiosity, Anakin grinned mischievously, knowing Dormé was hardly a patient woman. As expected, she was soon asking him just what it was he had learnt as her amber eyes danced in mischief. Moving to touch her cheek Anakin gave her a proud smile. ‘I’ve just discovered or rather I had discovered a short time ago the pilot responsible for the Death’s Star’s destruction,’ Vader began as his expression softened and turn almost awed.

The first words out his mouth sent a thrill through Dormé as she leant into his touch. She would enjoy watching him obliterate the one responsible for the Death Star’s destruction, or so she thought.

‘It was none other than a boy named Luke -Luke Skywalker,’ he continued in soft tones utterly ignorant and unaware of the damage he was about to cause by this statement. ‘My son. I have a son Dormé,’ He continued in a voice filled with awe and joy.

‘A son?’ When was he with another woman? the dark thoughts began to whisper. ‘How can this be?’ she asked aloud. He had a son with Padmé... Dormé could not remember the last time she had thought about her former mistress and this revelation too stung at her heart. That joy in Anakin’s eyes was because of her. He was so happy at the news and she could not take credit for it. She had so wanted to have children with him, a whole school or little ones to spoil and raise up to be the rulers of the Empire. But this honour was denied to her. Padmé was every bit the angel, the goddess, transcending even death to give another gift to her husband. It just was not fair.

Before she accidentally crushed her glass with her bare hands, she was thoughtful enough to set it on a nearby table. Luke. Luke Skywalker. It was a funny sounding name, at least to her own ears. She wondered where he had been all this time and why he was fighting alongside the Rebels. Perhaps this would be nothing more than a Rebel Alliance trick, trying to lure them into a corner. She could not help feeling suspicious and protective of her beloved.

But is he truly yours to keep? Do you not share his heart with Padmé? The famous senator and former Nabooan queen would go down in the histories while you will be forgotten. If she were here now, would you not be cast aside in favour of the angel?’ Dormé wanted to scream at the top of her lungs to get the dark voices to cease their menacing taunts.

Her question caused Anakin’s smile to widen as he nodded. At her clarification, Vader shook his head as his eyes danced in obvious joy. ‘I thought he had died along with Padmé, but I was wrong,’ he furrowed his brow as he recalled Luke’s reaction to Obi-Wans’ death by his hand. The answer was clear enough and the thought caused his blood to boil.

And then he spoke her name. It was a shame Dormé did not quite catch how easily Vader dismissed his first wife, how Padmé’s named rolled off his tongue so casually as if she was merely an acquaintance not his first wife.

‘Obi-Wan obviously stole and hid him from us,’ the Sith Lord began as in his mind Luke was as much Dormé’s son as he was his own. Padmé may have birthed the child but to Anakin, Dormé was the boy’s mother. The Naboo queen was nothing more than a ghost of the past, an intangible memory that no longer served a purpose in his life. Unfortunately, Vader believed that his queen was already aware of this. For this reason, he did not offer the reassurance that Dormé desperately needed in that moment. The whispers of the dark side also blinded him to the pain his words were causing his wife and so he remained ignorant to it. ‘He probably hoped to turn Luke against us, to make him into a pathetic Jedi like himself,’ Vader concluded in disgust, before his expression and mood lightened once more.

As he spoke of Kenobi, neither did Dormé recognise how Anakin referred to the two of them being Luke’s parents as though Padmé was not even in the picture. Unfortunately, the dark side was blinding her as it was blinding Vader.

‘The message I just received pertained to the discovery of his current location. He’s not too far from our location and if we move quickly, we should be able to reach him within the next couple of days,’ he admitted before moving to slip his hands to her petite waist as he exclaimed in joy. ‘Just think, Dormé, with Luke we’ll be able to overthrow my master and rule the empire as a family!’

She took all of this news as best she could. She was still trying to wrap her head around it. What if she did not want Luke around? What then? Would Anakin leave her? And then he spoke of overthrowing Palpatine as he drew closer to her. Did this mean he wanted her to stay? She could not quite read what he meant. ‘I know you said before that you didn’t think you could rule, so who would control the Empire? Do you think the boy is capable of doing so?’ Dormé did not understand what he meant. Certainly, he had not spoken of destroying Palpatine before. He was starting to worry her. The last thing she wanted was for him to do something stupid and be killed by the Emperor. She rubbed his shoulder with care as she studied him curiously.

Anakin furrowed his brow to Dormé’s words as he gave her another light-hearted grin. Surely, she knew that they would rule as a family. That together, they would run the Empire as emperor and empress. While Anakin knew nothing of politics, Dormé was quite experienced in this arena, just as he had more experience in battle tactics than she did. As always, they balanced each other perfectly and together, they would train Luke to become the perfect emperor when the time came for him to rule. But Vader understood her fears—or believed that he did at the very least—and felt her concerns were valid, despite his confidence and hope. Wanting to reassure her that he had no intention of doing anything foolish, Anakin continued in reassuring tones, ‘I wouldn’t do anything without much careful planning first,’ he said as he slipped his hand over hers before giving it a gentle squeeze.

‘But I have faith that between Luke and me, the emperor won’t stand a chance. We will overthrow him and then the Empire will be ours to rule,’ he said eagerly as his thoughts raced with possibilities and daydreams. ‘But for now, my main concern is ensuring that we are able to cross paths with Luke properly without complications. I don’t want anything or anyone interfering with this wonderful opportunity,’ he concluded in serious tones.

Vader kept say ‘ours’, but Dormé began to think he was really just talking about Luke, despite the fact he was holding her. He kept talking about Luke and the more he did, the less important she felt. Usually Anakin was so attentive to her and her needs. Selfish as she was, she could not help missing how she used to have his full attention. But despite her egocentric tendencies, she always cared more about her beloved than herself. It was for this reason that she encouraged him to find Luke. ‘Then we mustn’t delay,’ she said, trying desperately to sound happy about this. She gave him a squeeze, wanting nothing more than for him to be happy, though it might break her heart. Dormé had no idea how it would make her feel to see him with Padmé and his son.

Anakin was foolishly unaware of the damage his words were causing his beloved. In his mind, Dormé was Luke’s mother and the thought of ruling the empire as a family thrilled him to no end. He always wanted to give his beloved the galaxy and now with their son his believed his dreams were about to become a reality. Holding her close, the Sith Lord smiled at her words and reassuring squeeze before moving to kiss her lips. This truly was a happy moment for them both or so he foolishly believed. ‘I’ll begin the preparations as soon as possible,’ he continued before adding in joy. ‘I can’t believe this is really happening. It almost seems too good to be real,’ he said softly as he touched her cheek. ‘We have a son...we’re going to have a family just as we’ve always wanted.’

You have a son. You do. Not I... You and Padmé... Why do you insist on tormenting me with this, with my inability, my failings to you as wife... No matter how close he held her, she did not feel it was close enough. It was as though he was falling away from her and she was powerless to stop it.

Unfortunately, it also made him ever more blind to the damage it was causing his relationship with his beloved. However, the small part of his spirit that remained unscathed by the darkness was not so ignorant or blind. As such, the older Sith Lord began to find himself being plagued by strange dreams that reflected what he could not see with his own eyes. Had Vader been more aware, he would have recognised the imagery and emotions it invoked was not his own but his beloveds. But he was too lost to the recent return of the darkness and it was missed. Nevertheless, with each passing day the dreams—once a blur of emotions and mixed images—grew clearer, leaving Vader to awaken every morning with a heavy heart and loneliness the likes he had never felt before.

He tried to keep his nightmares to himself, for he was not certain what it represented or even how to fully explain what he was witnessing in them, but one thing he knew for certain was that the emotions were too powerful to ignore.

Was this how their love was going to end? Was it just going to wither away did he now regret all those years they spent together? Had she always been his second choice?

Tonight was no different. Dormé returned to their quarters to change and go to bed alone. She had originally tried to stay up with Anakin, but her eyes grew weary and since she was of little help, she got into the habit of retiring without him. It was much harder to fall asleep without him, unless she was physically exhausted. For this reason, she began training harder, hoping it would aid in falling asleep easier.

Some mornings she would awake to find he had not gone to bed, but the worst was when she awoke to find she had missed him, that he had eventually gone to bed but awoke before her to continue his search. It was on those mornings that she would cry into his pillow, wanting to tell him how she felt about all of this, but desperately wanting him to be happy.

Opening his eyes in the dream world, the Sith Lord found himself standing in a room he only recognised in his dreams. It was always the same elegant quarters that were nothing like his personal quarters. He knew it was on Coruscant somewhere, for when he looked outside the windows, he recognised the nearby buildings in the Senatorial District. But this was not what captured his attention.

Normally, Vader would always be watching Dormé playing with a little boy in this room. She always seemed very happy as did the child who cooed and laughed in reply. The sight always made him smile at first, but as he moved to approach Dormé and the child he presumed was Luke, Vader soon discovered they could not see him, or if they did, neither seemed to respond to his presence. He would try to speak their names, to interact with them, but they always ignored him. What made it worse was seeing a version of himself, that was not disfigured by the flames of Mustafar, joining them. They looked so happy together. It was the family Dormé and he had always wanted, but could never have. The sight of it always left him feeling utterly abandoned and alone.

Even though Vader knew that Dormé loved him for who he was—not the Hero With No Fear or the almighty Chosen One the Jedi had once believe—and did not care about his marred appearance or his broken body, as he watched this family that could have been his, he wondered if Dormé would have been happier if he had remained a Jedi. Vader could not help feeling jealous of his ‘weaker’ self who still followed the light. The thought always encouraged strange thoughts and emotions from him that always left him feeling utterly vulnerable and completely lonely.

On this night, instead of Dormé, it was Padmé he saw with Luke and his light side self. Confused, Vader could only watch in silence as his former wife played with the boy that Vader instinctively knew was Dormé’s. The dream progressed as it normally did, only this time. something felt different. It took Vader a moment to realize that they could see him and yet they did not. It was as though they registered his presence, but did not pay it heed.

The handmaiden’s duty is to act as the invisible security. They watch and witness their mistress’s every action and every word. A queen’s duty is to be seen—a handmaiden’s is to be invisible.

Vader’s brow furrowed as he recalled Padmé’s words once spoken years ago when he used to complain about her security, who hovered around like silent, but watchful clones. Though the emotions remained the same with this recollection, they slowly amplified. Closing his eyes, he tried to ignore the rush of sorrow and despair the images before him encouraged, but the dream would not offer him such solace. As they departed to another room, Vader chose to follow them and the sight that greeted his eyes provided the answer he was meant to see all along.

All three were now sleeping in a bed together—another image that would have warmed his heart had it not been for the fact it was Padmé sleeping beside him and the toddler instead of Dormé—yet even if it were, Vader was certain it would have only added to the pain. Nevertheless, it was not this that gave him the answer he needed; rather, it was a carving that decorated the back of the bed. Written in the native dialect of Uriashian, it read:

For always, Anakin ♥ Dormé.

His eyes snapped open as he drew in a sharp breath, his thoughts now racing forcing him to take a moment to register that he was back in his own bed and not in the dream realm. Though his conscience was ignorant to the truth, his soul knew the pain its other half was feeling and was desperate to make to make this clear. He understood and in silence, Anakin studied the one who completed him as guilt flooded his thoughts and heart.

Realizing now, much to his shame, that he was not even holding Dormé—for he had been too exhausted to even make himself comfortable—Vader soon slipped his arm around his queen’s petite waist. His other hand was soon caressing her cheek and gently playing with her hair as he struggled against his tears of sorrow.

‘I am so sorry Dormé I didn’t know...I should have known. Force, how could I have been so callous? Please, my love, forgive me…I never meant to hurt you. I never wanted to cause you such pain,’ he said quietly as the silent tears collected in his eyes. ‘I’m so terribly sorry. I was a fool. Please, Dormé, forgive me,’ he begged in soft tones, cursing himself for being so ignorant and cruel.

When Vader roused her, and Dormé thought what he was saying was just a dream, that feeling his arms around her was something from a distant memory. She opened her eyes to see tears in his eyes and she was not sure what to make of all this. As she fully awoke and registered how late it was and that this was no dream, she studied him in silence, wanting to reach for him in turn, but hesitating.

He could feel her watchful eyes studying him and try as he might to hide his tears they escaped anyway as he bowed his head in shame. Anakin could sense her hesitancy and this only worsened his guilt. Suddenly he recalled all the nights she would retire early or worse the days when he would hardly see her at all. The silent tears soon became sobs as he realized the weight of his actions -of his foolish words.

‘Oh Dormé...My love I’m so sorry...I didn’t know—I was so caught up in finding our son I didn’t even consider what I was doing—I have no excuse for my horrible behaviour. I never wanted to hurt you, to cause you such pain. I just wanted us to be a family,’ he admitted before continuing as he looked up to study her intently. Anakin felt utterly ashamed of himself and of his callous ignorance. He could not understand that it was the dark side that had blinded Dormé’s feelings from him. But even if he did, the Sith Lord would have found no comfort in it. Even the thought of causing his beloved sorrow was far too painful to consider and yet he had done it without even a second thought. The thought brought more tears to his eyes as he begged Dormé’s forgiveness.

Dormé was shocked at the sight of his tears and his sudden revelation about how she felt. How did he know? Why had it taken him so long to figure this out? But it was his sobs that tore at her heart. She never wanted to be the cause of his pain.

‘Padmé may have birthed Luke, but to me you will always be his mother,’ he said in sincere tones. ‘That is why I so desperately wanted to be united with him. I want him to know us—his parents,’ he continued softly as he gently touched her cheek. ‘I never meant for you to feel otherwise, and yet I’ve given you no reason to feel any differently,’ he said in sorrowful tones.

‘Do you mean that?’ she asked, tears coming to her own eyes as she reached for him. ‘You really think of Luke as ours, not what’s left of--of her? Oh Anakin...’ Dormé could not help giving way to her tears as she drew closer to him. One of Dormé’s pet peeves was having doubts and fears, especially when they were about her beloved. Though compared to other things she had experienced in her life, this was far from terrible, yet it was a suffering of another kind. Silent as all previous struggles had been, this ached the worst. She only wanted him to be happy and had gotten to the point that she had convinced herself to give up any of her own personal happiness for him. She had not ever been uncomfortable with such sacrifices before she met him, but after knowing how it was to live with such attentiveness and caring and love... For it to be taken from her was painful, but somehow, he knew now. She did not have to tell him.

Now aware of his ignorance and horrid behaviour, Anakin tried to explain himself though he knew there was no excuse for his actions. At her fervent reply, he nodded as he struggled against his sorrow and shame. ‘My dearest Dormé, you are and always will be Luke’s mother to me. I never once thought of you as anything less,’ he whispered in sincere tones as her tears began to match his own, feeling her reach out for him, which in turn caused him to tighten his embrace as though fearing if he let her go, Dormé would slip away.

‘I thought you—I thought I—’ she gasped out between sobs. ‘Tell me you still love me, Anakin...’ She pleaded with her eyes, fearing the worst, yet praying this was real, that he did want the three of them to be the family they had so longed for.

As her tears turned to sobs and her words expressed the pain of her heart, Anakin felt his own shatter. If only he had known—if only he could have understood the pain of his actions sooner! If only he could have prevented it in the first place... As he pressed his forehead to hers, their tears mingled as he spoke softly with all the sincerity and love he could give. ‘My dearest Dormé, I love you so much. You are my queen, my goddess; you complete me in ways that I could never hope to explain—you always have and always will. You are the other half of my soul, the strength in the face of my weakness, the parts of me I can never be without,’ he said in fervent tones as he touched her thoughts, permitting her to feel the weight of his words. He wanted her to know how sincere he was and just how sorry he was for ever causing her pain.

His words resonated deeply within her soul, though she was unaware that he was accenting them via the Force. Deep down, she knew. She had always known, but the darkness had filled her with lies and doubts. His actions as of later, however, had not suggested otherwise.

This would in time become one of many things that Anakin would never forgive himself for when it came to Dormé. Her happiness was his own and while he was normally a selfish man. By nature, Vader had come to understand—and appreciate—the power of give and take in a relationship. However, with loss and gain of his Force sensitivity Vader easily fell prey to his selfish ways and regressed into habits of old. The end result was disastrous and the Sith Lord now aware of his crimes was utterly ashamed of himself.

The last this she wanted was for him to be sad on her account. And though she felt unworthy of his love, for she too was far from perfect, it seemed as though her sadness had rubbed off on him. They truly were connected in ways they would never fully understand. Though he was apologising, she felt she ought to apologise for not saying something sooner.

Her sorrow intermingled with his own leaving Anakin wondering where his ended and hers began. For as long as he could remember, it had always been like this, the silent connection that could never be explained and yet had always been an integral part of their relationship. But in this moment, it served to add to his shame for he had no one else to blame for his ignorance and inconsideration but himself. It was yet another reminder to the fallen Jedi of just how unworthy he truly was to have this woman’s love. Tightening his embrace, Vader closed his eyes as he spoke his apologizes while professing his love for her. ‘I love you more than words could ever say or ever fully explain,’ he said softly as he held her tightly, while running his fingers through her dark hair.

Dormé sniffed, trying to regain composure as she moved to kiss away his tears. It felt so good to be back in his arms once more.

Feeling her lips against his skin—kissing away his tears—Anakin began to do half circles on her back while letting his fingers run through her dark hair. For the dark lord there was nothing more important in the universe than the need to mend the rift that had formed between them. As she kissed him, Anakin silently returned it feeling as though this moment was sacred. They had come so far and been through so much, yet despite this, he had come so close, too close, to losing his beloved queen. It was a mistake he swore to himself that he would never make again, but little did he realise it was too late.

She felt as though she could never be close enough or held possessively enough to make up for those nights they had missed. As much as Anakin was hers, so too was Luke. Luke was their son. They would be a family together. Everything they had wanted would come true. ‘We will save Luke from the clutches of the Rebels. He’ll come to see how much we love and care for him so much. We’ll make it up to him, all those years with Kenobi poisoning his mind against us.’

Anakin studied her with silent intensity as she spoke. Though her words deeply moved him, it was her joy that truly touched Anakin. ‘We will be reunited with our son,’ Vader reassured before adding in gentle and sincere tones as he lightly touched her cheek.

Studying him with loving eyes, she outlined his scarred cheek, saying, ‘He looks so much like you did when I first met you.’ Dormé smile soon grew impish as she added, ‘As though he hadn’t seen a hairbrush in his life.’

Anakin bowed his head slightly as he felt his cheeks warm at her words before chuckling as she teased him about his hair. ‘I never really had time for such things—or so I believed. It would seem Luke had picked up the habit as well,’ he remarked with lopsided grin before he grew more serious.

‘I want you to know that no matter what happens, or even if this isn’t possible, you will always be the one who matters the most to me. You are and always will be the one who completes me—the other half of my soul. Nothing can or ever will change what you mean to me, my beloved Dormé.’ Time was no longer on their side and though this moment was hardly sorrowful anymore, it would forever remain bittersweet for the fallen Jedi. As would every happy moment shared in the coming days with his beloved would become. But not wishing to dwelling on time wasted Anakin tried his fullest to enjoy what little time was granted to him now. He had after all wasted too much already in his obsession to unite Luke with them.

His gentle, sincere tones caused her tears to resurface, but this time out of joy. This was how it should always be and Dormé needed to hear this more than she thought she did. As much as she wanted them to be a family, she too could not imagine her life without Anakin. It was inconceivable and for him to reaffirm this ultimate truth, she couldn’t help shedding a few last tears as she held him close, looking deep into those everlasting blue eyes.

Though Anakin knew that Dormé’s tears were of joy over sorrow he could not help but feel a little pained to see them. All he wanted was to make her happy but instead he had brought her such pain instead. With fingers gently brushing away the tears from her cheeks, Vader studied his queen with the same fervency she gave him. In her amber eyes rested all the secrets and the mysteries only their souls were aware. Though they were not nearly as close as they were when he had lost his Force sensitivity in this moment, Anakin was just too grateful for what they did have to let it bother him. Not wanting this moment to ever end, the Sith Lord held her close and continued to quietly play with her hair. Moving to gently kiss her again, he opened his thoughts so that Dormé could feel his emotions for her in a far more personal manner, for words could only go so far and some things were just better explained without them.

on to chapter seventeen