The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love
And I don’t know where to look
My words just break and melt
Please just save me from this darkness
-Snow Patrol
From Coruscant, Palpatine sensed his apprentice’s recovery. Opening his eyes, a sinister smile crept onto his face. Though he was still disappointed at how Vader disobeyed his command that he refrain from going to Yavin IV, he knew it was his own fault. Forbidding things from Vader only made him want it more. But all this was past and soon the pitiful Rebellion would be crushed...
As always, heaven never lasted for long for Anakin. While for him the embrace of his queen was as close to being in heaven as a man could ever ask for, these past few days were even more so than usual. There was something oddly clarifying about this experience, though he could never comprehend what it was exactly. It was something he would never forget and would always cherish and secretly long for.
But with the passing of days, Anakin began to find his senses within the Force beginning to return. It was strange how, at one time, he would have been so overjoyed to hear and feel the familiar hum that was the life-Force around him. Now he could not help, but feel almost mournful. This confused him, for he did not know why he should feel this way. It was as though deep down he knew it was the end of something sacred, as though this experience had brought him closer to Dormé than ever before. It was as though they had crossed a barrier that he never knew existed before and now it was returning once more.
For this reason, Anakin found himself almost wishing and hoping that what he felt was nothing more than his imagination, that the hum was just a trick of his mind, that the Force signatures he saw was his eyes fooling him. As he awoke in the arms of his queen on this particular morning, the Sith Lord could not deny the truth any longer. While a great part of him was relieved, another part of him was saddened.
Watching Dormé as she rested in his arms, Vader quietly recalled her words to him on that fateful day and silent, but symbolic actions that followed. He could still feel her amber eyes studying him intently, holding in their gaze all the love and peace that a mortal soul could contain. Anakin could still remember how complete he had felt in her arms, feeling her skin against his own and hearing their hearts beating in unison. It was sheer perfection and harmony of a sort he had never known before in his life. Now it was gone, leaving in its wake only the memories of that mystery. He felt so fortunate to have been able to experience this and with silent reverence, he brushed back a strand of her dark hair as he smiled at her.
Then without another thought, he closed his eyes and buried himself in her hair as he breathed her soft scent of rained flowers deeply. My dearest beloved, how you complete me in ways I’ve never could have imagined, he whispered into her thoughts with all the love he could give in that moment.
Though the first day Vader was injured and lost his abilities to touch the Force had been extremely trying for him, Dormé was pleased to find that something had changed between them, something incredible. She had only been trying to help ease his concerns and insecurities, but found something else entirely in its wake.
As she was unable to wield the Force, she did not know his abilities were returning, nor was she aware that soon the effect of this would affect her as well, that the darkness would seep back into her again because it poisoned him. Dormé would never completely understand what passed between them on the days without the dark side’s presence, but it was something that she would always hold dear. On this morning as she slowly awoke, she smiled. In her dreams, she heard him whisper to her. So many years they had been together and she would never tire of hearing and feeling how much he loved her. Little did she know, another, one whom she could never compete with, would soon disrupt the bliss she felt: his son.
Holding her close, Anakin silently relished the peace of this moment, the perfection that was in reality flawed by the darkness that had returned to him. Feeling and sensing her stir, the Sith Lord gently continued to nuzzle his face in her long hair while playing with the strands with his fingers.
‘Good morning, my love,’ he murmured softly before moving to kiss her cheek as he tightened his embrace around her petite waist. Unaware of the rift that was to come because of the return of his Force sensitivity, Anakin could only sense the closeness of his beloved. Though this moment felt more distant than the past few days, Anakin was far too relieved to have his powers return to pay it heed. This would be one insensitivity that would continually break his beloved’s heart and in time would return to haunt him with a vengeance.
Dormé always loved the way it felt awakening in his arms, his face buried in the crook of her neck, his hand playing with the ends of her hair. So many years passed in this manner, but it somehow held more meaning since the loss of his powers.
‘Mmmm,’ she sighed as he kissed her cheek. Opening her eyes to gaze back into his, her smile broadened. ‘Good morning. Did you sleep well?’ she asked, stroking his back.
Her sigh of contentment warmed his heart and seemed to complete his thoughts. Watching her in silence as she opened her eyes Anakin could not help revel in the beauty of her amber orbs. He did not think he would ever grow tired of studying them or enjoying her smile. Returning it with one of his own, he caught her greeting and gave a soft purr in reply as he nodded rather enjoying her touch against his skin. If only such moments like this could last forever.
‘With my queen in my arms, how could I not?’ he purred in reply as he moved to touch her cheek gently.
‘I just have to make sure you’re not getting tired of me,’ she kidded with a wink as he moved to touch her cheek, ‘because that would be a punishable offence.’
Anakin shook his head at her teasing before growing more serious. ‘My beautiful queen, as if I’d ever grow tired of you,’ he said softly as he studied her intently knowing she was teasing but taking the matter seriously anyway. Sending her an impish smile, he spoke into her thoughts. What about you, my love? Did you have a good rest as well?
Dormé hummed in reply, saying, ‘Marvellous.’ Dormé noticed he had not moved his lips. This did not resonate with her at first, but when it did, she gasped. ‘Did you just— You can touch the Force again?’ She smiled at the news, glad for him, though she realise this meant the connection they had shared would not happen again in this life.
At his less than subtle hint he smiled in reply to her response before grinning at her surprise. He nodded simply in reply though for a brief moment a hint of sadness flickered in his eyes. It was as though some part deep within him knew this meant an ending of another sorts, that in reality, this was the calm before the silent storm.
Though it was subtle and she was not consciously aware of it, she too felt a tinge of sadness at this revelation. She smiled softly at him before giving him a kiss. Little did she know just how everything would change.
Vader eagerly returned her kiss feeling as though everything was as it should be in the universe. If only he could understand that, in reality, that moment had long since passed.
‘What’s your first plan of action with the return of your powers?’ she asked curiously with a bratty grin. She knew it was something that had been with him his entire life and had a feeling he missed being in touch with it.
At her question and mischievous smile, the Sith Lord smirked as he purred moving to kiss her throat. ‘Unleash hell on our pathetic, but stubborn enemies. After all they’ve done to us, it only seems fair we return the favour,’ he murmured.
‘Mmmm,’ she replied to his plans as he kissed her neck. She drew him closer, running her fingers over his back.
‘But that can wait. For now, I’d much rather enjoy basking in the presence of my queen,’ he said between kisses.
Dormé always enjoyed his mischievous smiles and eternally cursed the mask he was forced to wear because she was certain there were many more she had missed because of it. ‘I like that idea,’ she said, giggling a little when he found a ticklish spot.
Dormé’s purr only encouraged Anakin who continued to kiss her throat enjoying the feel of her skin against his lips. As she drew him closer, her fingers running over his back, the Sith Lord tightened his embrace around her as well. It seemed the only time he ever felt complete was when Dormé was in his arms and this time was no different. Vader could feel her contentment and mischievous joy and loved how it intermingled with his own. Yet, there was no denying that despite the fact he could feel her emotions through the Force, there was a silent distance between them. However, he was too distracted by the sound of her giggles and her words to pay it any heed. ‘Good,’ he murmured in reply as he moved to kiss her lips
Unfortunately for them, their time of bliss was drawing to an end. The holocom warbled at them.
Giving a tired sigh, he glanced to its direction before returning his attentions to Dormé once more. ‘Whoever it is, they can wait,’ he remarked softly as for the moment he forgot that he could just as easily destroy the com or silence it. Knowing if it was something urgent from the Emperor, Anakin would have felt it since his powers had returned, so Dormé was in agreement. After all, what could possibly be more important than the two of them?
Another hour drifted away before the com beeped at them again. As irritating as it was, something told Dormé that it was news they needed to be aware of. as much as she wanted to ignore it, by the time the com beeped a third or fourth time, Dormé rose from the bed, donning a robe and activated the com.
Anakin was more than eager to lose himself in the presence of his beloved, however the com beeped again. Frowning, Anakin was about to take matters into his own hands, when Dormé rose from the bed to grab a robe and answer it. ‘You don’t have to do that. I’ll just make them return later,’ he offered as he too sat up.
The com flickered to reveal Colonel Veers’s right-hand officer, alerting her that Moteé was dead. ‘What do you mean?’ she demanded. ‘Who told you this? What’s happened over there?’
Even when the officer transferred the link to someone else, it seemed no one could give her a straight answer. ‘What the urugal is that supposed to mean?...No I will not wait for you to get your accounts together!’
‘Milady,’ the second officer began.
Dormé cursed at him, swearing she would kill him herself for this. She ended the call abruptly as tears came to her eyes. She had no idea that this need for vengeance slipping into her blood was do to the fact Anakin had regained his abilities. She had not felt so angry about something in awhile and it was worse because her friend was dead.
It was not long before Anakin was dressed and joining her side only to catch Dormé’s final remarks. Furrowing his brow, he moved to slip his arms around her. ‘What’s wrong? Is everything alright?’ he asked softly.
She turned into Vader’s embrace, saying, ‘It’s Moteé...’ Dormé’s breath hitched as she tried not to shed any tears. ‘She’s dead. She was killed while on a retreat with her family... No one can give me straight answers as to what happened and... I can’t believe...she’s dead...’
Anakin frowned at Dormé’s response and instinctively tightened his embrace as he tried to calm his rage at the mention of Dormé’s old ‘friend’. He hated her and hated even more the way she would treat his beloved. When Dormé admitted that she was dead, Anakin raised a brow in surprise. This day just seemed to be getting better by the minute. ‘It’s about time she got what she deserved,’ he muttered hardly finding this to be something worth mourning about.
What her beloved muttered at her words was like a stake through her heart. ‘Got what she deserved?’ she asked, looking up at him to see if she had heard clearly. ‘She was my friend—She was the only one I could ever talk to—before you, I didn’t--’ She couldn’t help crying now.
Anakin fell silent upon hearing Dormé question his inconsiderate statement. It was too late now to take back his statement and so the Sith Lord fell silent feeling every bit the fool he was. As Dormé continued to speak Vader felt his shame grow as he cursed himself for not keeping silent about his thoughts from the start.
She thought about the good times she had with Moteé when they were handmaidens all those years ago. Sure, there had been times that she only later realised, thanks to her good, true friendship with Anakin which showed Moteé in a less-than-pleasant light, but despite all of that, when it came down to it, she was her friend. She missed her. She wished she could have made an effort to see her since Amidala’s funeral, but she had not and the longer she waited, the harder it was. Now it was too late.
‘I’m sorry,’ he finally whispered as he ran a hand through her dark hair. ‘I’m truly sorry,’ he apologized wishing he could take back his statement as he ran his hand against her back in half circles. But his words could neither bring back Moteé nor take back his inconsiderate statement. The damage was done and now all he could do was offer what help he could in her need to find answers. Anakin tried to—albeit too late—keep a more serious frame of mind. After all, despite all that Moteé had done to her, it was obvious that Dormé was troubled by this and he wanted to offer what support he could. ‘Do you want to start an investigation?’ he offered hoping this might ease a little of her concerns or at least provide some of the answers she sought.
When he asked about an investigation, she could only nod as the tears poured down her cheeks.
Offering to do an investigation was the very least he could do and Dormé willingly accepted it. As much as Vader wanted to reward the man -or woman- who completed the deed he knew how Dormé would want to get to the bottom of it and he would help her in what way he could.
For some reason, despite the comfort offered in his embrace and that she took him at his word that he was sorry, it somehow felt artificial. It had nothing to do with the replaced limbs, merely the affection was not, it seemed, as sincere as it ought to have been. Even so, Dormé accepted it. She would not have known the difference between genuine and artificial if it had not been for those few days without his Force abilities. But even this revelation was just out of touch for her.
Anakin held Dormé close as he did his best to comfort her in what way he could. Though he was hardly sorry for Moteé’s death, he was quite aware of the fact his words were callous and only served to hurt her further. For that, he truly was apologetic as the last thing he wanted was to hurt Dormé and yet in the days to come he would continue to do so without even trying.
After the tears passed, she apologised for crying, though she was entitled to it. She hated being seen as weak, even to her beloved. ‘I know you’ve probably got better things to do and I really ought to tend to this investigation myself as it will probably involve me going back to Naboo for awhile,’ she murmured, still holding him tightly.
As her tears drew to an end Dormé apologized, leaving Anakin feeling further shamed for Dormé had no reason to apologize. It was as though she were building a defence or placing up a protective guard. While he had seen this before the thought of her doing this because of him was troubling to say the least. Her remarks about tending to the investigation should have further warned Vader of this silent defensive reaction but it did not.
For with the recent return of his sensitivity within the Force Anakin was lost to the all too familiar heady rush of the Dark side that he would normally ignore. As such, he was far too distracted to even pay heed to the important clues and symptoms that would mark the rift that would form between them.
Though Anakin knew that Dormé could hold her own easily in battle he did not really want her to pursue Moteé’s murderer by herself, for if this was a rebel attack, Dormé could be outnumbered and placed in danger. At the same time, he had his own mission to tend to that was given to him by the Emperor himself. Not to mention the fact he was hardly interested in harming the one who did him the great favour of killing Moteé—rebel or not. So to her words, he remained silent, knowing that she was very aware of his dislike for Moteé. He would not insult her intelligence by pretending as if he wanted to find the killer, for Dormé would obviously know otherwise. He did sincerely want to support her.
Dormé was unaware that she was putting up any sort of guard around her heart because of her beloved’s callousness. Though she was upset and felt, as Vader did, that revenge would make her feel better, give her some closure, after Moteé’s death. She knew it would be best tended to alone. Even without his remark, she knew that he never cared for Moteé and she would not get anywhere on this matter, not to her satisfaction, unless she did it alone.
‘I understand if you wish to tend to this matter alone, but at least take some of the Stormtroopers with you,’ he said quietly. As he held her close, Anakin could not deny the strange emptiness that began to creep into his thoughts. If she were to indeed depart for Naboo it would be the first time they were apart since they realized their feelings for each other. Though he was not consciously aware of this, deep within there was a part of him that knew something was wrong. If only he could understand what that was, but despite the brief clarity given only a short time ago Vader easily fell prey to the darkness that now coursed through his veins once more.
Dormé appreciated the offer of stormtroopers, knowing he would not have offered if he did not think it was necessary. ‘OK,’ she replied, nodding. Looking up at him, she saw something resembling worry in his expression, but merely assumed it was because they had not been apart for all those years since they realised their feelings for each other, nothing more.
Her simple agreement should have alleviated his fears but for some reason it only worsened them. Anakin could not explain it, nor could he hope to understand but as he held her close to him, the Sith Lord could not help but feel as though she were a million light years away. Furrowing his brow, he kept his thoughts to himself for in his mind it was only his paranoia over the fact this would be their first time apart in years. In reality, it was nothing short of the truth trying to reveal itself to him.
‘I will get to the bottom of her murder as soon as possible, my love,’ she murmured, already missing him and feeling a small emptiness in her heart that would only grow in time.
As he felt her amber eyes studying his own blue orbs, Vader found himself feeling strangely lonely though he did his best to ignore it. For it reminded him of that strange sadness he felt upon first registering the return of his powers. At her murmured words, he gently touched her cheek as he gave her a hint of a smile that did not entirely hide the creeping sadness. ‘Please promise me Dormé that you will be careful,’ he said softly in reply. ‘That you will return to me safe and sound,’ he added in concern.
Though she was not aware of it, so much had changed since Vader regained his Force abilities. There was something between them once more, blinding them from even seeing it. Dormé was unaware that this dark mistress’s hold would cause him to be less perceptive to her, that it would take longer for him to realise that anything bothered her unless she spoke of it. While this would become something that would break her heart over and over again, it would not be until after her death that she understood the reasons behind it.
A little while after her beloved was restored to his previous level, she received some disturbing intel. The information was scattered and unclear at first, but it became clear that something terrible had happened. Dormé’s dear friend Moteé Veers had died. Wanting to know the details of her friend’s death and to murder whoever was responsible, Dormé told her beloved that this was a mission she had to undertake herself. She knew the Emperor would not be pleased if his apprentice left off his mission searching out the lost Death Star plans to investigate the murder—for what else could it be if not murder?—of one of the lesser members of the Imperial Army. She also knew Anakin never much cared for Moteé, even heard him refer to her in a not-so-kind way on more than one occasion.
With what little information she had, she wanted to seek conclusions she desired, particularly names of people she could kill. Though she was adamant about going alone, Vader insisted she take troopers with her. She told him, if any of them did anything that offended or annoyed her, she could not promise that they would return with her in one piece. He seemed more amused by this than taking it as an actual threat, but as she was still very upset by her friend’s death, she was not in the mood to be humorous. He touched her cheek and expressed his wishes that her mission would be completely safely so that she would return to him soon. As she was unable to kiss his mask, she took his gloved hand and kissed it, trying to remain strong as she said farewell.
She felt as though everything would be different upon her return. Her beloved would be leaving soon after she did to one of the moons of Ralltiir while she was on Naboo. In the decades they had been together, this trip would end up being the longest they had ever been apart since she was first brought to his command ship. This would also be the first time she returned to Naboo since she left after her mistress’s funeral. She wished she had not waited so long to return.
So much had changed on Naboo and yet, aspects of the scenery remained untouched despite the overt Imperial presence. As a former handmaiden of Senator Amidala, daughter of a rich lord, and wife of one of the advancing Imperial officers, Moteé Veers’s funeral was an occasion of its own. Though it was nothing in comparison to the funeral of their mistress, it was definitely in the running for its splendour.
During the procession and funeral rites, Dormé’s attendance took almost all of the spotlight away from the departed, though that had not been her attention. More civilian eyes were on Lady Vader than on the casket. She did not notice this, for she was watching Moteé’s young son. Her heart went out to the boy. What she would not give to take the boy in her arms and care for him as though he were her own! She could not help lamenting she was unable to conceive, though she was almost to the age when conception was rare.
After the funeral was over, she approached Veers, offering him a new position as a member of the elite Imperial Death Squadron, assuring him that she would seek out those who were responsible and make sure they pay dearly. Satisfied with her words and reverential to her presence, Veers accepted the offer, which pleased Dormé. As though she were a goddess giving a mortal her blessing, she touched Veers’s son on the head. She told Veers that his son would do Moteé a great honour by enlisting once he came of age.
Flanked by her Imperial troops, Dormé left the funeral temple to investigate possible conspirators linked with Moteé’s death. No one dared speak to her, unless she directly questioned them about involvement. She enjoyed the fear and respect she received and it felt quite liberating to have them plead for mercy before she killed them. The only person she was not able to track down was Rabé.
It was not long before she was packing to leave Naboo to seek out Rabé. Before she boarded her ship, she received terrible news. Dormé would never forget the exact moment that she heard it. The Death Star had been destroyed. The Rebels destroyed their indestructible weapon! The Rebels had been able to get past their defences! The Rebels?! They could not have killed her beloved though, certainly not. She refused to believe it. However, all the intel she received was that he was last seen on board. There were no records of him escaping.
Dormé boarded the ship, demanding they take off for the last reported location of the Death Star, which happened to be near the planet Yavin IV. All that remained of the Death Star were bits and pieces of the explosion hovering near the planet. Fear rushed through her, thinking if he had escaped, he would have landed on Yavin IV and once again lost his Force powers, leaving him extremely vulnerable to the Rebels…
But no one heard anything. No one could tell her anything. In her rage, she killed everyone on her ship except the pilots. But nothing could satiate her fury.
She blockaded herself in her private quarters on the ship, pulling at her hair and throwing things across the room until she fell on the bed in tears. She felt so lost and alone without her beloved by her side. If he truly were dead, she would not know what to do.
After awhile, she eyed her bloodied wakizashi and set about meticulously cleaning it in preparation for a suicide ritual. If her Anakin was dead, she would not suffer herself to remain alive any longer.
With the sparkling clean blade set in front of her, dressed in the richest gown she had brought with her, Dormé bowed reverentially to the blade.
Slowly, with tears streaming down her cheeks, she gracefully turned the blade in her hand so that it was aimed at her chest. She practiced by outlining the form in which she would artistically carry out the suicide as all skilled swordsmen would. It would be done artfully.
‘I will not be long, my love,’ she murmured, ready to commit the act this time.
In this mission, she would not fail.
on to chapter fifteen
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